


The Lemon Touch

by SerialObsessor (ibelieveinturtles)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Lab Accidents, Lemon Rebellion (Marvel), Lemons, The Midas Touch, WinterShock - Freeform, citrus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 07:57:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8154901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieveinturtles/pseuds/SerialObsessor
Summary: There’s an accident in the lab.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this came from... well actually I was looking for a park at the shops yesterday and this idea popped into my head... it got away from me... but doesn't it always??

 

 

Jane looked up distractedly as Darcy burst into the lab.

“Jane, can I borrow the car? I need lemons!”

“What?” Jane said as she burrowed back into the heart of the large machine she was currently trying to fix.

“I need lemons! Someone took all the lemons and I need some. Can I borrow your car?”

“I’m pretty sure I banned you from driving my car Darcy. Remember what happened last time?”

“It wasn’t my fault Jane. I told you, that freeze dried asshole had it coming.”

Jane pulled her head out from the belly of the beast and looked at Darcy.

“Just because an asshole has it coming, doesn’t mean you can use MY car to inflict the punishment. Especially if the asshole in question is the Winter Soldier and can destroy a fender with one twist of that hand of his.”

“He started it…” Darcy sulked, “anyway, I didn’t really hit him on purpose.”

Jane sighed and got back to the point, “What did you want lemons for anyway? You should be down here helping me fix the beast.”

“I wanted to make Wanda a cheesecake for when she gets back from the boot camp Steve forced everyone to go on. She’s been texting me every night about how hard he’s been on them all, and I wanted to do something nice for them all to come home to. Well, for most of them anyway.” She finished darkly.

Jane sighed again and muttered something inaudible to herself under her breath.

“What?”

“Look, give me five minutes of your help with this thing here, and then I’ll come with you okay? Cheesecake actually sounds pretty good.”

Darcy looked at the clock. “But they’re gonna be home in like, four hours, and it needs to set properly.”

“It’s okay Darcy, remember they’ll need to shower AND eat proper food first. We’ve got plenty of time. Look, I’ll help, okay? I’ll do the base for you.”

Darcy smiled and clapped her hands, “Okay, I can do that Janey, now what’s wrong with the beast?”

“There’s something loose in the back there but I can’t seem to find it. Wanna have a look for me? Fresh eyes might be just what’s needed.”

“Sure thing, gimme me the wrench.”

Darcy grabbed the tool, and stuck her head into the gap Jane had vacated, and started tinkering with something deep within.

“Ooh, I think I’ve got it Jane, gimme two seconds… “ she pulled her head out and gave the machine a mighty blow with the wrench, and then leaned against it. “Try it now.”

Jane turned around, “Okay, but make sure you’re not touching it, I don’t want to zap you again if you didn’t fix it.”

Darcy stepped away from the large piece of equipment and leaned with her right arm against a large metal cupboard instead, unaware that their toolbox was touching both the beast and the cupboard, and when Jane flicked the switch a moment later, electricity sparked from the beast, through the toolbox, up the cupboard and right into the arm that Darcy was propping herself up with. She went down like a sack of potatoes.

“Ow, ow, ow, OW. Turn it off!! Turn it OFF!”

Jane hurriedly flicked the switch back off and then peered over at Darcy who was lying on the floor clutching at her arm. “Jesus mother fucking Christmas Jane, that hurt!”

“Well I told you not to touch it.” Jane protested as Darcy carefully sat up. “I wasn’t touching it.” Darcy shot back. “I was leaning on this thing,” she waved a hand at the cupboard behind her as she turned, “I was nowhere… oh goddammit, the toolbox was touching!” she reached out with her right arm to push the box away, and the moment she touched it there was a phzzt noise, and all of a sudden there was no longer a toolbox on the floor, but a very large lemon. Darcy stared at it. “Jane.”

“I saw it Darce.”

Their eyes met, “What the fuck Jane?” she reached out and picked up the toolbox lemon in her other hand. Nothing happened. She looked at Jane again. “Did that really just happen?”

Jane looked at her thoughtfully, then looked over at the desk. “Hang on a minute.” she said, and picked up a pen and tossed it towards Darcy, who automatically reached out and caught it. There was another phzzt and she was holding a long skinny lemon. “Holy shit Jane!” Darcy exclaimed as she dropped it and scrambled to her feet, unintentionally using her hand to pull herself up using the cupboard which promptly phzzted into a very large, squarish lemon.

“Jaaane.” She wailed as she caught the offending appendage with her other hand and held it closely to her chest.

“Just, don’t touch anything Darcy.”

The two women stared at each other for a minute whilst their brains raced.

“Okay Darcy, I want you to very carefully come over here, WITHOUT touching ANYTHING.” Jane instructed. Darcy followed Jane’s directions with extreme care, and made it out of the lemon infested corner without touching anything else.

And then she made the mistake of resting both her hands against the table, and an instant later there was another large lemon on the floor and the entire contents of the former table were scattered over the tiles. Reflex had her starting to pick up the spilled items, but as soon as she touched anything with her right hand… phzzt and there was a lemon. Phzzt and there was a lemon. Lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon .. and .. an orange.

“I think we have a problem.” murmured Jane, to which Darcy replied, “Ya think??”

“Right. Let’s just… think for a minute.” Jane said as she sat down on the nearest chair.

Darcy just stayed where she was, too scared to even move. “Jane, everything I touch is turning into lemons.”

“And one orange.” Jane interjected.

“It’s still a citrus Jane. What the hell is going on? What’s happened to me?”

“Shh, I’m thinking.“ Jane said.

“Well think faster Jane, because being able to turn anything indiscriminately into lemons is NOT what I’d call a desirable superpower!”

Jane was sitting with her eyes closed, muttering under her breath. Darcy took a deep breath in order to gain some self-control, and then sat down. Extremely carefully. She still managed to bump a chair however, and there was another lemon, rolling around on the floor.

Jane’s eyes flew open. “It’s only your right hand!” she said as she pointed.

“What?” Darcy stared at her hands.

“The lemon thing, touch. It’s only in your right hand. Here,” she rolled a pen towards Darcy. “Use your left hand only.”

With a dubious look at her friend, Darcy reached out hesitantly, and then poked the pen with her left hand. Nothing happened. She picked it up. It stayed distinctly pen shaped.

“Okay.” Darcy swallowed and looked at Jane. “So at least I should still be able to kind of function?” she said as she absent mindedly scratched her right arm.

“Yeesss…” Jane’s voice trailed off as she lost herself in thought again, slowly getting up and making her way over to the machine. “Do you remember exactly what you did?”

Darcy closed her eyes, and thought hard. “I wiggled the hose, tightened the clamp, twisted the other clamp and then hit the beast with the wrench.“

Jane’s forehead wrinkled in thought, “What do you mean the other clamp? There was only one clamp in there.“

“No, there were definitely two clamps in there.” Darcy assured her with a nod of her head. “Go have a look.”

Jane got up and carefully walked over to the offensive piece of equipment. She went to lean on it, then had second thoughts, and leaned forward carefully to peer inside. “Damn, I can’t see a thing in here, is there a torch over near you?”

Darcy looked around, and then her face fell. “I think it was in the toolbox…”

“Damn.” Jane muttered again.

“Use your phone.“ Darcy suggested.

“Ooh, good idea.” Jane fished her phone out of her pocket and fiddled with it for a moment before the torch turned on. She aimed it into the innards of the beast and looked intently at what it revealed.

“Huh.” She said a moment later. “I don’t remember putting that in there.”

“Janey.” The worried tone in Darcy’s voice caught her attention and she looked up. The other woman was now holding a lemon in her left hand. “It’s spreading.”

“That’s it, I’m calling Thor.”

 

~~~~~***~~~~~

 

Two hours later the entire team was back. Darcy was sitting next to a large, vaguely lounge shaped lemon, with her hands folded carefully in her lap, cheeks streaked with dried tears. Wanda was sitting next to her, a carefully constructed energy field protecting her from Darcy’s newly acquired lemon powers. Steve and Bucky were on the other side of the room, Sam and Natasha next to them. The extra large pink grapefruit that was usually known as Vision had been carefully placed on the bench with a big ‘do not touch’ sign on it. Thor and Scott had taken it upon themselves to be the problem solvers. Scott had volunteered to take one for the team, and had suited up and gone in for a closer inspection. He failed to turn into a lemon, or any other type of citrus, and retrieved the mysterious extra clamp.

“So what is it?” Steve asked.

“No idea.” Scott said. “Never seen anything like it before.”

“It is from an alchemists laboratory.” Thor intoned in an ominous voice, after inspecting it carefully.

“What the actual fuck Thor?” Darcy blurted out, and then looked slightly guiltily at Steve before straightening her shoulders. Bucky sniggered. She glared at him. Steve ignored them both.

“You mean like the turn-lead-into-gold type alchemists?” he asked sceptically.

“Whilst that is indeed a myth, there are some alchemical principles that have borne fruit.” Thor’s face didn’t even twitch, as everyone else successfully managed not to laugh, except for the muffled snigger from Bucky, as Darcy drew breath for an angry tirade.

“How the fuck did it get into Jane’s machines? Why the hell am I turning everything into lemons like I’m the King fucking Midas of fucking citrus? I mean, I turned Vision into a grapefruit!!! A GRAPEFRUIT!!! I can’t ask Wanda to be my personal energy shield for the rest of our lives. You need to fix this Thor. Can you? Can. You. Fix. Me?”

She directed another withering glare in Bucky’s direction, who was now openly laughing. “And if you can’t shut your trap I’m gonna come over there and we’ll see how you look as a lemon! Or maybe you’ll turn into a teeny tiny kumquat to match your teeny tiny freeze dried brain.”

“Ease up, Darcy, you’re sounding a bit bitter there.” he replied with a cocky grin and a wink.

Darcy surged to her feet, only to be reined in by threads of red power that oozed forward from Wanda, as Bucky took a step backwards. “Sit down Darcy. This is not helping you.” Wanda said soothingly.

“Oh I think turning him into something citrusy would help me LOTS.” Darcy snarled.

“Buck, give it a rest will you? You’re not helping.” Steve leveled a Look at Bucky.

“She started it.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to keep being such a jerk Buck.”

“Sorry Steve.” his friend at least had the good grace to look slightly abashed.

“Maybe you should try apologising to her, not me.” Steve pointed out as Thor straightened up and took the tiny culprit from where it had been left on the table.

“I will return to Asgard and seek help. Don’t worry Darcy, I will find a way to reverse this.”

He gave Jane a quick kiss on the top of her head and then left the room, followed closely by Steve, Bucky and Sam.

Wanda, Jane and Natasha looked at Scott until he left as well.

“So what now?” Darcy asked wearily. “I can’t touch anything, how am I going to eat and drink?”

The other women exchanged glances. “We’ll think of something Darcy.” Wanda assured her.

Nat picked up one of the few items that had been turned into something other than a lemon. “What was this before…”

Jane peered at it. “I think it was a cushion off the couch.”

Nat nodded, “So nothing we'll need back. Here, catch.” she said as she threw it to Darcy. “You can eat that, it won’t change again, will it?”

Darcy looked at it doubtfully. “But it used to be a cushion.”

“And now it’s an orange. If everything you touch turns into some variety of citrus, then you’ll just have to survive on citrus until we get this sorted out. What other choice do you have?”

Darcy sighed again and began to peel the orange.

 

~~~~~***~~~~~

 

After three days of surviving on oranges, mandarins, tangerines and the occasional grapefruit, Darcy never wanted to see another piece of citrus again. Ever. Like, we are never, ever, ever, getting back together, kind of ever. She considered it a small blessing that water didn’t seem to be affected by her curse, as long as she drank it out of the empty rind of something that had already been turned. She spent most of her time waiting for Thor to come back with some sort of cure. At least she could watch the tv, as long as someone was around to change the channel when she needed it. She had a fairly steady stream of visitors, although they usually only came around when Wanda was present to ensure shielding from any inadvertent touching.

Late in the afternoon on the third day, there was a gentle knock on the door, and she was surprised to see Bucky waiting politely for permission to come in.

“Wanda’s not here at the moment.” She informed him grumpily.

“I’m not looking for Wanda, I came to see you.”

Darcy twisted around and looked at him. “You do know it’s not safe when she’s not here, don’t you? Why are you here anyway?”

“I came to apologise.” Bucky said quietly.

“What?”

“I’m sorry for my behaviour the other day. It was rude and insensitive.”

“That’s nothing new.” she sighed as she turned around and returned most of her attention to the television.

“What? Darcy… I’m trying here okay? Why do you always make it so hard for me?”

She turned around again, with an incredulous look on her face. “Me? Me make it hard for you? You’ve done nothing but be dismissive and ignore me ever since you got here. You have no manners whatsoever where I’m concerned. What makes you think I have any reason to be nice to you when you don’t pay me the same courtesy? There’s a reason I gave up trying to be your friend Barnes.”

“I…”

“Just go away. I’m not in the mood.”

“But…”

“Fuck off Barnes! Before I get too curious about what kind of citrus you’d turn out to be.”

She turned around again, obviously done with the conversation and after waiting another minute or two he gave up and turned around, to find Wanda standing behind him, head tilted, arms crossed, one foot tapping.

“What?” he asked defensively.

“Do you really think that one attempt at an apology is going to work?”

He looked behind him quickly, then grabbed Wanda’s arm and pulled her along the corridor with him.

“Am I really that bad?” he asked once they were out of earshot of Darcy’s room.

“Yes.” Wanda replied bluntly.

“I didn’t realise.” he said.

“Even though Steve and Sam have both been telling you to back off for weeks now? She’s right, you are an idiot.”

“Look, I like her, but she kind of scares me. I went defensive, and screwed up, but now I want to fix it. What do I do Wanda?”

“Actions speak louder than words. You want to change things between you? Then do it. Show her that you mean your apology, and stop being such an ass.”

“That easy huh?”

“Still an idiot. You think it will be easy? I almost feel sorry for you.” She said as she walked away from him. “Good luck, I’m going to enjoy the show!”

Bucky shook his head, and left.

 

~~~~~***~~~~~

 

Barely an hour after Darcy had kicked Bucky out of her room, Thor returned. It took all her will power not to hug him when he said that he came with a solution.

“It’s not a permanent cure yet, but it should stop it for now whilst the alchemists work on a more permanent one.”

By this time everyone had gathered in her room, and there was a definite air of anticipation.

“Well gimme dammit, I am so over this Thor! What is it?”

Thor dug deep in a pocket, and pulled forth a small ring. “You will need to wear this ring, it is made from the clamp that found its way into Jane’s machine. It has been treated to reverse the effect as well, so we may restore Vision to himself.”

“But won’t it turn when I touch it?”

Thor shook his head, “No it will not. The alchemists were familiar with the phenomenon that you are suffering from, apparently it is a common occurrence amongst their apprentices. Although apparently never before with lemons. They assured me that this will contain and reverse the anomaly until they can organise the permanent cure.”

“And how long gone is that going to take?” Darcy asked suspiciously.

“Well, each case is unique Darcy, and…”

“How long Thor?” she demanded.

“It will take several months.” Thor admitted.

“WHAT?!?” The entire room winced at Darcy’s screech.

“And you will need to come to Asgard for the final steps.” Thor said hurriedly.

This stopped Darcy in her tracks. “I get to visit Asgard?”

“Yes Darcy.” Thor smiled.

“Well.” The change in Darcy’s demeanour was instantaneous. “You’d better give me that ring then.” She said as she held her hand out. Thor held his own hand out and after a brief pause, dropped the ring into Darcy’s palm as everyone held their breath.

Nothing happened. She carefully picked it up with her other hand and inspected it.

“It’s very pretty.” she said as she admired it. She looked at Thor again. “Does it matter which finger I put it on?”

Thor shook his head. “Whichever it fits the best.” he replied.

“Okay then, here goes nothing.” She tried it on several fingers before she found a snug fit on the third finger of her right hand. She held her hand up and admired it again, and then looked up. “Hand me a piece of fruit, I want to test this thing out.”

Jane picked a lemon off the table, and held it up. Darcy reached out and touched it. For a moment nothing happened, and then there was a faint shimmer, a popping noise, and Jane was holding a cup.

“YES!” Darcy pumped both fists in the air, then stopped. “Gimme something that’s never been changed.” Everyone looked around but everything had been cleared out of the room.

“Here, try this.” Natasha was holding out a knife. Darcy looked at her for a moment, and then stepped towards her. She touched the knife… and it stayed a knife. The collective sigh of relief was huge.

“One more test.” Darcy said. “Who’s willing to risk themselves in the name of science?”

The whole room was quiet for a fraction of a second and then Jane, Wanda and Natasha all stepped forward.

“No, let me.” Bucky pushed past the three women, and stopped directly in front of Darcy, and held his hand out. She eyed him doubtfully.

“Think of it this way.” he said, “Either I turn citrus and you get a bit of satisfaction about it, or I don’t, and we can try being friends.”

Darcy looked around the group. “Any objections?” she asked. They all shook their heads, most of them smiling.

“Okay then, brace yourself.” Without any further ceremony Darcy lifted her hand up, closed her eyes, and slapped him fair across the cheek. There was an intake of breath and in a wavery voice she asked, “Is he still human?”

“You slapped me.” Bucky responded indignantly.

Darcy’s eyes flew open and a huge smile lit up her face as she jumped up and down on the spot for a moment, and then she flung herself forward and wrapped Bucky in a bug hug. “Sorry, but I just couldn’t resist. Thanks!”

 

 

~~~~~***~~~~~

 

 

 

 

_Sometime in the near future…_

 

Bucky poked his head around the corner. “Dammit Darcy, we’re trapped. There’s people at both ends now.”

“It’s ok Bucky, I’ve got this. Here, hang on to this for me.”

As she stood up and staggered around the corner with her hands high in the air, calling out her surrender, he looked down into his hand to see a small ring sitting in his palm. Moments later there were several phzzt sounds, and then Darcy was calling his name. When he stuck his head out this time, all he could see was his girlfriend, and several lemons scattered over the ground.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> For the Lemon Rebellion on Tumblr.


End file.
